“What we ignore, we ignore at our own peril. What we embrace with courage, perseverance, humility, and clarity, becomes our instrument of illumination.” —Dani shapiro
As I sit here writing, I’m dripping in sweat, having finished a run no less than five minutes ago (yea, I didn’t stretch, shhhhhh). In my 30 minutes of solitary running, I discovered everything I wanted to say, but that I’ve been having trouble writing down. It’s funny how running can do that to you.
Speaking of running, I usually focus on physical health on this blog. What’s often not discussed, however, is mental health. Mental health is essential because it drives every aspect of physical health. Without strong mental health, it is more difficult to motivate yourself to live a healthy physical life.
One of the strongest pillars of good mental health is self-awareness. More specifically, it is the importance of knowing how to be alone, be comfortable being alone, and realizing how amazing being alone with oneself can be. I want to share all of this with you because it is not only close to my heart, but it can make a HUGE difference in how you live your life.
I have always thought of myself as someone who is content being alone, in fact, I always valued “me” time. So when a recent life change made me anxious and sad to be alone, despite being surrounded by loving friends and family, I knew something was off. It was time to rediscover my ability to be comfortable spending time by myself and not only accept it, but enjoy it.
Now before I get ahead of myself, aren’t you wondering why it’s so important to be happy being alone? Here’s why it’s essential: when alone, you’re able to create a stronger connection between mind and body. I’m sure I’m not alone (no pun intended) in this connection and I believe that it drives the basic human need for taking some time off from being around people.
When I’m solitary, I find that it’s easier to listen to my body and all of the signals it sends. Am I tired? Do I need to take a rest day? Am I eating that because I’m bored or because I’m actually hungry? Being alone also allows you to think critically about your what your mind and body want and need. I find that I’m actually more confident, more self-assured, and overall happier when I take some time for myself.
With this recent fear of being alone, I found that I was losing this connection to myself. I chose to ignore my emotions and shove them aside, rather than acknowledge and accept, I was mindlessly eating, and I chose to sit and mope rather than do something. I know myself and I know that this is not who I am.
So how do we bounce back when we lose touch with who we are?
1. Acknowledge, Accept, and Release
One of my yoga teachers from many years ago taught me one of the most useful visualization exercises I’ve ever learned. Start by closing your eyes, it doesn’t matter where (I’ve even done this in spin class), and envision a giant barrel. Now think of all of the negative emotions and thoughts in your life that don’t serve you. Acknowledge them and accept them. Now, since they don’t serve you, envision them flowing out of your body and making their way into the barrel.
Accept, acknowledge, and release.
This simple exercise has helped me release any emotions that are bringing me down and doesn’t require intense meditation or concentration.
2. Sweat it Out
Ok, obviously I had to include some fitness aspect into this journey. But in the process of learning to love being alone, this is crucial. Working out is extremely therapeutic because it releases endorphins and chemicals that leave us happy, confident, and feeling good.
Perhaps even more important is the intense thinking that comes with it. When I’m on a run I think more deeply than any other time I am by myself. This post right here is a clear example of that. Same goes for spin class, weight lifting, and other workouts. For some reason, I can connect most deeply with myself during these moments.
Some people may actually experience the opposite: a blank mind. This too can be extremely beneficial in getting rid of residual sadness or stress that can lead to the anxiety of being alone.
For many, working out serves as the time to push your body, work it hard, and sweat it out. Meanwhile, your mind will discover its rightful place during these workouts: thinking intensely or taking time to relax.
3. Sit by Yourself for Five Minutes
Here comes the tough part. After you’ve made some progress, sit by yourself for five minutes. Don’t be tempted to get up and talk to your roommate or text your best friend. Just sit alone with your thoughts.
While this may be challenging at first, this will get easier everyday and you’ll find yourself being able to sit for longer. I’m not asking you to meditate, but simply just sit. Observe what’s around you, think your thoughts, and just be.
By just being, you’ll make stronger realizations about who you are, what’s important to you, and what you want out of life.
4. You’ll Learn to Love Being Alone
I hope that these steps will help you learn to enjoy spending time with just you. Being alone is essential to creating a thriving, successful, confident self. On the other hand, I’m not asking you to abandon all the people who make you happy and I encourage you to spend a lot of time with friends and family. It’s a balance— a balance that will come eventually become second nature for you.
For me, it’s been a (re)learning process, but one that I’ve found extremely important. I’m not perfect, I have my bad days and my good days. But by accepting alone time and finding satisfaction in it, I’ve realized that I can pinpoint exactly what I need, make a stronger connection with those around me, and be a happier person.
Don’t ignore your loneliness. Accept it, embrace it, and enjoy it. “Me” time will soon become one of your favorite times.
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